You know you’re getting old when when having cameras in unmentionable places becomes an okay conversation at dinner.
Okay, I may as well admit that I had the joyful experience of a colonoscopy recently (see I told you I was getting comfortable with it). When I told my friends in the lead up, I received varied responses but not a snicker or even a quiet backhand smirk. I myself felt like a little chuckle, but apparently having a camera in secret places is not a laughing matter.
Instead, one friend told me to make sure I took all the mixture, all three litres (for those not in the know, this mixture is designed to spring clean the area being photographed). Another told me that she had only recently had her own, grimacing a little as she remembered the night before (the night of the three litres). And another friend reminded me not to drive.
There was advice all around and what occurred to me at that point was that I was not alone. My friends, it turned out, were all experts. Apparently having a colonoscopy when you are over 50 is akin to going to the hair salon. The only difference is that you miss the experience thanks to the twilight anaesthetic and you get a sandwich at the finish.
Sometimes it is quite pleasant to spend a bit of time in the twilight zone. It seems only fitting that you be transported there after the night before – forever to be remembered, but best forgotten.
- Linda Muller