IT is probably remiss of me to start a film review with the opinions of others, but almost a week on from its release it seems there is not much left to be said about Fifty Shades of Grey.
Here are a few of the choicest remarks so far:
Lisa Wilkinson on The Today Show said, "it's domestic violence dressed up as erotica and if there is one thing this movie is not, it's erotic".
Then there was this gem from a skit on Triple M by comedian Heath Franklin reviewing the movie as the late 'Chopper Read'; "...they had whips and chains and stuff and I kept asking the couple next to me 'isn't that illegal' but they were all like 'nah its sexy'. So I punched the dude in the neck and asked him if he still thought it was sexy".
Critics seem mostly to all be on the same page when reviewing what has been billed as the sexiest film of the year.
Despite its release coinciding with Valentine's Day, it's not sexy and not all that romantic either.
The problem with this film, aside from being morally repugnant, is its characters.
Christian Grey is deep and complicated, indeed, fifty shades of grey? Please. The man is so predictable he's boring.
Hmm. What's an interesting background for our misunderstood hero? I know! He was mistreated as a child. Character development much.
Then there's our heroine, Anastasia Steele (face). True to her name, Steele face has all the personality of a wet mop - and sexy hair to match.
For the first third of the film, we wonder whether Steele face is aware of what's going on then, miraculously, she develops a backbone - of steel - when negotiating the terms of her new relationship.
Then of course, we're back to "yes sir, no sir". Truly an inspiration to women everywhere.
The one thing that could have redeemed the Fifty Shades of Grey story was an original plot. But you can't help thinking "hmm, dark-haired student falls in love with standoffish, mysterious bad-boy who begs her to stay away from evil 'ole him" where have I heard this before? *Cough* Twi-hard! *Cough*.
As it turns out, I was bang on (pardon the pun). It was written as Twilight fan fiction. I know, I know, at some point, aren't you just flogging (that one too) a dead horse?
This film will do well of course because of the hype built around it.
Indeed, E L James strayed just far enough into the BDSM lifestyle to make the story controversial without being a complete turn off.
Without a doubt, thousands will buy their tickets just to feed their curiosity. You know what they say about curiosity.
Note to readers: Times journalist Samantha Stiller was a guest of Event Cinemas at Browns Plains, which is currently screening Fifty Shades of Grey. For session times visit www.eventcinemas.com.au
